What Makes You Magnetic? Confidence, Attraction & Authenticity with Krystal Ward

Reza Ghaemi: Have you ever met someone who wasn't necessarily saying all the right things, but there was something about their presence that immediately drew you in? In dating, we often focus on what to say, how to approach, and how to appear confident. But beneath all of that is something much harder to fake: the energy we bring into the interaction. Today we're exploring how our subconscious patterns, nervous system, self-trust, and authenticity shape the way peep people experience us, and how changing what's happening internally can completely change. The connections we create externally. Welcome to season two of the Rez Podcast, the show where we have honest conversations about dating, relationships, mental health, personal growth, and what it really takes to build meaningful human connections. I'm your host, Reza Gayemi. On this show, we go beyond surface-level advice to explore the experiences, beliefs, and personal transformations that shape who we are and how we connect with others. My guest today is Crystal Ward, an ICF certified health and habit change coach. Subconscious rewiring facilitator, trained intuitive energy healer, and host of the Conscious Mastery podcast. Crystal's work experience explores the subconscious beliefs, emotional patterns, identity structures, and energetic dynamics in influencing our relationships, confidence, decisions, and overall experiences of life. She combines intuition, subconscious rewiring, nervous system regulation, habit changing, and spiritual energetic principles. Well, that was a lot of stuff. to help people create meaningful change from the inside out. Crystal and I met at the Empowered Podcasting Conference in Charlotte, North Carolina. As we got to know each other, I became fascinated by how closely her work connects with many of the subjects discussed on the show, especially authenticity, confidence, attraction, congruence, and the energy we bring into our interactions. Crystal, sorry for that long intro. Welcome to the Res podcast.

Krystal Ward: Loved it. Thank you, Rez. Thank you for having me. You nailed it.

Reza Ghaemi: Of course. My pleasure. Thank you for being here. Crystal, let's get right into it. what makes someone's energy magnetic? So people often say that someone has magnetic energy, especially in dating. What is that energy actually made up of? Is it confidence, self-trust, nervous system regulation, intention? What is it?

Krystal Ward: All of it and in short, our all of our thoughts about ourselves, our beliefs about ourselves, and even the actions we're taking. So we're we have an energy field, we're energy beings, we're made of light, and as my mentor calls it, we have a creator field. So everything that we are creating in our life, all of our experiences, the people we're attracting, our money, our business success, everything that we are creating or we are experiencing externally, we are creating from that energy field. So what would make somebody magnetic? Would be the thoughts they have about themselves, the belief they have. If I'm walking around feeling like, and we're not consciously thinking, I'm not good enough, but if deep down I'm thinking, I'm not good enough, I'm not a good enough partner, I'm not hot enough, I'm not this enough, then that is being projected out of our field. And that field is essentially a script that we give to other people, not consciously again, but we all have intuition. We you can walk into a room, you can meet somebody, and you feel that. energy, that vibe of them without really even having to have a long conversation. So it's in that energy that we are ourselves subconsciously, intuitively picking up on other people's script. So you're in a room and you've got one person walk in and you feel that magnetism. They probably have thoughts, positive thoughts about themselves. They believe they're worthy, they're attractive, they're what you name it. And then someone else who's feeling just kind of Run down by their thoughts about themselves, very low confidence, and you can see and feel that difference. So that's what that is. It's all of that about you that you think about you in your energy field, even the actions you're taking. If I'm telling myself, I I want to have a a nice g a gym routine, a consistent gym routine, but I'm not following through on that, then in my energy field is I'm not following through on myself, I'm not prioritizing myself. So then other people In the data if we're dating, they're going to read in your script, do not prioritize because your script says, I don't prioritize myself.

Reza Ghaemi: Okay, okay. Wow, thank you so much for that. so so are let's talk about the first date because a lot of us we get nervous. I don't know how women are, but as a man, you do get nervous, right? You kind of get nervous a little bit. I I'm sure women as well who are listening. what are some practical tips? I here's what I would do. I would listen to music, I would like just get into state, get into that right state of mind. And yeah, that's what I would do. Music would really help me. kind of like Tony Robbins says, like get into your body and then take that take action and what's your take? How do you how would you advise people to to get into a confident energy for that first date?

Krystal Ward: Well that that is great. You're elevating your frequency. I actually listened to some of my favorite music before getting on this interview with you. so yeah, external things like that. but then internally, rather than focusing on because a lot of the times with when we're nervous, it's because we are feeling like, you know, we don't have a reason to be confident. So I like to look at what makes me unique, what makes me special, why am I deserving, what are my val like what makes me valuable. So doing the external you know, high vibe stuff to get you in your body, like you said, but reminding yourself of all of the reasons why you are worthy and deserving of an incredible date, meeting an incredible person, having an incredible relationship, rather than thinking about all of the reasons why you might suck at the date or you why you might not look how you want to look. And that's a big one, right? Is physical appearance. So we all have things we like about ourselves physically. We all have things that we Maybe wish we were they were different or are working on. So here's more on the energetic principles is we've all we all have emotional fields. So we can we naturally calibrate to other people's emotions, and we have a thought field. So we are intuitively, subconsciously picking up on other people's thoughts. So if I am focusing on this date on something about my body that I really don't like myself, and I'm thinking I hope he doesn't notice this. I hope he doesn't notice. My thoughts are constantly focused on what I hope he doesn't notice because of that thought field that is extends out and other people can pick up on that. Then he will probably intuitively be picking up on my negative thoughts about that part of my body. And then I'm creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of that's what he's noticing. Instead, focusing on the things that we what aspect of my body do I love? I love my eyes. I love this. I love that. And And kind of brainwashing yourself, not that we should I think on a date be spending all of our physical mental energy on our body, but if that is something that does feel like hold somebody back from their confidence, focus on what you love and even if you feel like you're almost brainwashing yourself in the moment, those are the thoughts you want sent out, not what you don't love about yourself.

Reza Ghaemi: Awesome, beautiful. And we talked a little bit about that nervous energy, right? How do you deal with this? Is something I struggle with, Crystal, when it comes to dealing with people's negative energy. Like I I'll be at work. I mean, I work from home now, but back in when I was in the office, or if I go to the office, that resting bitch shield resting bitch face or whatever it's called. Is that what it's called? Like

Krystal Ward: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: the person doesn't even know that it exists. Right. Like they have this facial expression. Right. Right.

Krystal Ward: On themselves, right? Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: They don't realize that that facial expression they have is giving me negative energy. And they probably don't haven't even looked at me yet. But it's it's like how do you deal with negative energy?

Krystal Ward: So if they're not c realizing that they have this expression on their face, then then they're not intentionally having that expression on their face. So with the whole inside out experience, how would we you know, I might be thinking, well, on something maybe I said I'm focusing on something where I'm trying to scan. My brain is trying to scan for reasons why I might a effed up or whatever. What What's something because we like w there's that negative bias of the brain. So it's gonna constantly look for ways that we messed up. What did I I said something wrong, I did something wrong. if we're not feeling, you know, good about ourselves or confident about ourselves, or we had a we just spent half the day beating ourselves up about something, that's what we're going to notice in the other person. Most likely they it has nothing to do with us, their face is just looking how it is.

Reza Ghaemi: So it's internal, it's it's me, it's not them.

Krystal Ward: Yeah, unless I mean unless they are angry and they're giving you that face and but

Reza Ghaemi: Okay.

Krystal Ward: generally speaking, you know, I think we say you're in the grocery store and you pass someone in the aisle and and they have a an expression on their face or no expression or they don't smile, it's the brain wants to internalize that and take that as well, they must have looked at me and they don't like how I look. So they have that expression. People really aren't thinking about us. You know, everyone is so so so self focused. that it's usually nothing it's it's

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Krystal Ward: about our own it's just it's a way for the world to mirror what we're already feeling about ourselves.

Reza Ghaemi: I see. That that's well said. And I think it's a very textbook cognitive behavioral therapy example is like I don't know if you've heard of C B T, but it's like that's that that was a C B T example. Like if I'm if I'm getting negative energy from someone who doesn't even have me in their world, that's a me problem and I need to work on that, right? What about yeah. Go go ahead.

Krystal Ward: Yes. Yeah. It's a it's an it's it's just a chance to look at where you're feeling not great about yourself and instead of, you know, then beating yourself up again like, now I'm noticing people have bad expressions or whatever, instead of using that to further like push yourself down, like look it's an opportunity to okay, where may where where might you know, maybe what am I trying to say? Where can I show myself more love? Where can I be more relaxed with myself or calm with myself and use it to your advantage.

Reza Ghaemi: Hundred percent. Now, how do we recognize when I'm on a first date? And by the way, I have a I have a girlfriend, so I'm just using examples. Hypotheticals. Let's say I go on a first date. And to me, the way that I frame first dates or I used to always frame first dates is to make me not nervous, is I would say, Well, this this this girl likes me. She wouldn't have accepted the first date if she didn't. I don't know why I still would get nervous, but let's say I go on the first date. And now the I'm getting this weird energy from the other person across the table. How do I read? Is this just her being nervous or is this her being cold to me? How do we read people's energies accurately? And I'm going off script here because I gave you some topics and but I I just that just came to

Krystal Ward: Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. That's a great

Reza Ghaemi: my mind.

Krystal Ward: question. Because sometimes I think it would be them, but then other times it could be us, right? let's see, if it's at the beginning of the date and you haven't really had much conversation, it very well could be her nerves because you haven't had mu you don't have much context for what it could be. If if she starts feeling cold, you know, if or if vice versa, I was in that situation and they start feeling cold, then I'm probably gonna start thinking about okay, well, what conversations were we just having? Is that do we talk about something maybe political or fundamental belief type thing or religious and trying to look for for where we to for we could have looked for it found, you know, maybe there's a disconnect. And I'm a very, very open type of person so and communicative. So the old me would probably start to I would look at that and I would think, no, they don't like me and then I would start to shut down and it would just all go to shit. but now I would probably say, Hey, I'm picking up on, you know, an uncomfortable energy from you. Is everything okay on your end? Is it something and then just try and figure out what that is and I think a lot of relationships could get better.

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Krystal Ward: If they're not doing great with more open communication and then that would show that person that, hey, I can trust them because we're not you know, this person doesn't want to you know, you're not hiding anything. You're kinda putting everything on the table and having a chance for an actual deeper, real, authentic connection.

Reza Ghaemi: Amazing, Crystal. Some magic bullets there. so I wanna s I want to talk about authenticity and congruence. those are kind of nerdy terms that I picked up from a company, anyways, called Real Social Dynamics that helps men with developing confidence and dating skills and stuff. And they would always use these terms congruence. Your thoughts, words, and actions need to be aligned in order for you to be c authentic. And so in the social skills world Congruence means as I mentioned, your thoughts, emotions, intentions, behavior, they're all aligned. So that so I guess what I want to ask you now about that is being is being nervous but honest more attractive than being polished, but like for example, what I'm trying to say is like if I if I'm nervous and I go up to a woman and I tell her that, I say, Hey, I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous right now, but I wanted to come say hello. versus acting like confident, but I'm really not confident in that moment. If that makes any sense is what I'm trying to say is the harmony

Krystal Ward: yeah, one hundred percent.

Reza Ghaemi: be harmony I'm talking about between our, you know, our internal energy and how we project, if that makes sense.

Krystal Ward: Yeah, I think yes. And this conversation could go many ways. I think the first thing I wanna mention is that honest, hey, I'm nervous, but I really wanted to talk to you with a woman who is there there's gonna be many types of people that you could go up to. So I think a woman who is almost superficial in a way where, I just want a, you know, button down man with the money and like perfection, she might not vibe with that, but the person who I would vibe with would be the person who because I want that honesty in a relationship and that openness and that it's so relatable. people are tired of especially, you know, in the in the online business world. I've had my business for years now and just the trends of, am I hiring somebody who is picture perfect polished, the Instagram feed is, you know Perfectly curated or, but now we're looking for those people who you can relate to. It's authentic, it's just real raw life. And yeah, so I would be way more interested in the person who's actually in congruence, showing his congruency with me, how he feels that he's nervous. And that's, I think, adorable too. Like, wow, I it would help it would boost my own confidence. Wow, this man is is letting me know he's nervous to talk to me. That's awesome.

Reza Ghaemi: Okay, awesome. Awesome. So the idea here is be honest with how you're feeling in that moment. Don't try to fake your energy and because we we is is this another thing that is this in me or is this kind of would you agree that confidence is a little bit like up and down and sometimes like like for example, when we first go to a nightclub, we're not feeling super confident. We're all like in our heads, we just got you know, done with the work, the nine to five. It takes a little bit of time to build up that confidence, right? Like, like, like even in empowered podcasting, I would notice like during the day, people were well, maybe it's the alcohol a little bit. I don't know.

Krystal Ward: A little bit.

Reza Ghaemi: But I think it is the the th the the the the warm up and and just anyways it's like what I was what I was getting at is is like not faking your confidence. Like So that was the whole point there. It's like once you feel confident, then you can do certain things differently than than if you're not feeling confident. And I think it's important to really observe your inner state a little bit and be self aware where you're at. That

Krystal Ward: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: makes sense.

Krystal Ward: Yeah. And and I think what what you are what I'm feeling from what you're talking about is that like at the empowered conferen podcasting conference or at the club, it's also a nervous system thing, right? When we step into the club, we're not calibrated like we're we're kind of going through a a portal almost from the outside world now to this world and then are we're trying to figure out you know, is this safe? Not just safe, but safe to be there, but safe for me. Can I feel safe here? And and we're just you know, recalibrating to that environment, those people, that event, that situation. And then once you've okay, this is fine, then you feel safer to be more you feel more confident to be authentic. And yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: Exactly, exactly. okay, so let's see where was I? how do subconscious patterns shape who we pursue and attract? So your work focuses heavily on subconscious patterns and repeating relationship dynamics. Why might someone continually pursue unavailable partners, seek validation, people please or sabotage a promising connection, even when they Consciously know better.

Krystal Ward: Love that question. all of our patterns are driven by our beliefs. We have core beliefs about and usually they are either I'm good enough or I'm not good enough, or I'm special or I'm not special, or I deserve love no matter what, or I love is conditional. I have to perform, I have to be successful, I have to have straight A's to deserve love. So however we were conditioned in childhood and nobody no matter what kind of parents you had, no matter how much money, whatever you had as a child, we all have skewed beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs about belonging, deservingness, worthiness. So whatever beliefs are going on that were imprinted when we were very young. Because we're still living in our subconscious brain, living out of that until we're about seven years old. So it's those are very fundamental developmental windows where Our brain is being programmed like a computer. So then when we get into adulthood and we're like, why the heck do I keep attracting, you know, like you said, unavailable people, the same patterns in relationship? It's because those patterns are created from those beliefs and they are showing they're over time the beliefs are being reinforced because the patterns keep happening. And then you just have this assumption of what you are are just what you deserve, you kind of have this expectation of who you are going to attract, no matter how hard you try to attract a different caliber relationship or person. We have these expectations and then we just accept it and then we keep attracting it. So when I'm working with someone, we're looking at what is the exact pattern that you want to shift out of. We uncover the exact beliefs that are driving it. And then you work to rewire those beliefs. A lot of the work is done in a session, but then over time There's different ways to have the the person start to it's about what we focus, what we're noticing in our life. So helping them refocus is g and then take have different thoughts and then take different actions from those thoughts and just refocusing

Reza Ghaemi: Bingo.

Krystal Ward: our life completely.

Reza Ghaemi: Different thoughts, different actions, different outcomes.

Krystal Ward: Yep, yep. And and with the emphasis

Reza Ghaemi: Can I hit the air horn?

Krystal Ward: the emphasis on those new beliefs. So that there is a process to re patterning your beliefs and it will lead to different actions and outcomes.

Reza Ghaemi: Hundred percent. And this is why therapy is good, people, but a specific coach for a specific area of your life that you're struggling with is much better. Because this is like outcome based. Sometimes therapy

Krystal Ward: Exactly.

Reza Ghaemi: feels like like the therapist doesn't she doesn't get this stuff like or he, like, you know. So that's why it's important to to go to people like Crystal so that, you know, you can work on this aspect of your life and whatever it is that you want to. Overcome those limiting beliefs, I guess, right? That you're talking about. And it's important

Krystal Ward: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: because you mentioned when we're kids, like, you know how when your kids in like great, like a four-year-old or a five-year-old, they'll do whatever they want. No one's gonna say, don't do that, right? Unless they're an asshole. Excuse my French. But like it's that social what's the what I'm looking for? It's the social conditioning that messes up our confidence. And then once we become older, that one Crazy teacher who punishes us and says, Reza, don't do that. And that just messes with me for the rest of my life. And then I get in my head, and then now I have to call Crystal for help.

Krystal Ward: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because that teacher messes you up and then and then that that situation kind of replays out in different situations, but it's the same underlying belief. I a lot of it with children is, you're too loud, or you know, don't make the class laugh, you're distracting, or whatever it is. And then we learn that who we are is bad. And then in two years there's another big event. I mean, there's many, many small events throughout our life, but Every so often there's like a there's a big event to reinforce that limiting belief that you're too loud, you're too this, you're too that and then we're twenty, thirty, forty years old, we're like, wait a minute

Reza Ghaemi: That's where the the the exactly the problems stem from is like yeah

Krystal Ward: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: from childhood. cool. let's see. Okay. boy, I'm just trying to gather my notes here. okay. So I think a lot of men in when it comes to interacting with women, especially in a cold approach setting, it's a geeky term, it means a setting where you don't know the people. beforehand. Like let's say you're at a nightclub or a bar or a networking event. It's cold, right? Because you're just meeting these people and you gotta so what would you what would you say to men who are again get into their heads like like how do they make a woman feel comfortable? In my in my experience is it's by respecting her boundaries. So if I if I say hypothetically, if I go up to you Crystal and say, hey Crystal, my name's Reza. I wanted to I wanna meet you. I wanted to get to know you. That would be really weird. But that line, I mean. But let's say I say that and you're like, no. Now what I would do is take a step back and say, I'm sorry. And I would move on because you said no. Now, what some men fail to do is they keep moving forward even though even though you said no. So so they're not respecting that energy that you're projecting towards me. So can we can you Give me your take on on that.

Krystal Ward: Yeah. My take on that would be that if you if they when you say no, when the woman says no and then they back off, they understand that, okay, it's you know, this doesn't mean I'm never going to find someone ever. It doesn't necessarily mean anything negative about me. I don't have to overcompensate for anything, plenty of fish in the sea, I will move on. She's not interested. And that's because they feel sufficient in who they are. They don't need the validation of this woman saying yes. But I think a man who keeps on going, keeps on going, he's looking for that validation because he's not feeling so confident in himself. And he's man, if I can just hook this woman, then I'll feel all right about myself. I mean, I'm obviously not a man, so I don't I'm not literally in their brain, but from my perspective, that's likely what would be going on. I mean, some men are just very, very they also think persistence. I think some men As much as they like the chase, maybe they're assuming that a woman likes the chase and he wants her to feel super desired and super wanted, so there's a nuance to it, I think.

Reza Ghaemi: There's definitely nuance. Social intelligence, reading the room and picking up on that energy is is because some some women also wanna be very outgoing and friendly, but in it's very nuanced, as you say. So you gotta you gotta know what you're you know, you gotta pick up on it properly. Yeah.

Krystal Ward: Yeah, you gotta know when to stop.

Reza Ghaemi: Yes, yes. No means though.

Krystal Ward: I mean, but I would like to say that there are stories I've heard where the woman says, he tried pursuing me for five years and I and I just kept saying no. but eventually we got married.

Reza Ghaemi: Mm.

Krystal Ward: So he probably didn't persist in a very forceful way. He probably shot his shot and then, it didn't work out. Okay, let me, you know, let me just keep dropping hints or, you know, little

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah.

Krystal Ward: wide whatever, crumbs or whatever, but not

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah, yeah.

Krystal Ward: getting her to a point where she's like but so fed up.

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm. Totally, totally. Yeah. Okay. in closing, Crystal, I'd like to keep this 30 minutes, respect your time and just the listeners' attention span, really.

Krystal Ward: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: if someone wants to become more magnetic in dating and networking, social life and just in life, what is one internal practice and one real world in one real world can't say it, real world action they can begin using today.

Krystal Ward: Mm. Can I give you two?

Reza Ghaemi: Yes, please.

Krystal Ward: Okay, so the first one would be I think less less obvious, but this idea of baggage and like kind baggage will hold us back. Looking at your past and looking at situations, your dating situations, relationships where you felt like maybe you got the short end of the stick or like you're you're kinda hung up. This person did this to me years ago, and that's still tied in our energy field. maybe you need to forgive yourself for something. So clean slating the past, finding the good in Everything you thought was bad, what did you gain from the situations you thought you didn't deserve is going to help you kind of drop that bag and move on in a in a much more just a cleaner, lighter way. That makes sense. And then the other thing would be kind of what we touched on earlier is writing a list. We hear all the time, you know, about lists of what I qualities you want to find in someone, but writing a list about yourself and what you love about yourself. internally, externally, why you deserve the best, because we all deserve the best of the best. It's just our limiting beliefs that will have us feeling otherwise. So and look at that proof and then instead of just writing it and forgetting it, every day, every morning, maybe when you wake up, because that's when your subconscious brain is very impressionable, read that list and focus on one thing that from the list that's kind of standing out to you and actually feel it in your body emotionally Connect to it until you feel a shift in your body. I mean, if you do that every day, you can become pretty damn magnetic.

Reza Ghaemi: Amazing, amazing. So write down the list and this is something that I actually did do this before when I was going single and they would always I would hear people telling me that and I and I would do it and it would kind of reinforce what is my value and what I date myself and what do I like, what do I dislike and kind of gives me some information to work with. And then

Krystal Ward: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: yeah, go ahead.

Krystal Ward: it just gives you an a chance to, you know, n be authentic with yourself, but look for an authentic connection and not just think, the next whoever says yes, next, I'm gonna go for that 'cause I think, you know, out of the scarcity mindset, but you're actually allowing yourself someone who you can really connect with.

Reza Ghaemi: Hundred percent. Crystal Ward, where can people find you? And if you want to talk to us about anything about your programs, what you do, how you you know, all that stuff, now is your chance. So the millions of listeners.

Krystal Ward: Thank you. Thank you. website. The website is very simple, crystalwar.com, K R Y S T A L W A R D. and that'll give you more of a an explanation on the whole belief repatterns and why those are important and the outcomes that can be touched on from there. Yeah, you can I have single sessions available to book on the website. if you want to go deeper than just a single session, I've got six week programs and twelve week programs. Right now it's all one on one coaching. I like to get really deep with people and one session I can change a lot of things for you. I also do free workshops. Those are these are on various topics. So the next one's actually this Sunday at two PM Eastern and it's on your identity, the c getting through your comfort zone and resistance and because everything we want is on the other side of that next level of identity. So you can also find that on my website.

Reza Ghaemi: free workshop this Sunday, maybe I'll maybe

Krystal Ward: Mm.

Reza Ghaemi: I'll join. On Sundays I'm always looking for something to do, so

Krystal Ward: awesome. I would love to have you there.

Reza Ghaemi: Thank you. Awesome, Crystal. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm sure to the listeners, check check out Crystal's website, crystalward.com. It'll be in the show notes. And aside f and I hope that you took away a lot from this from this episode. I certainly learned a lot and it was an important one. So thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. And Crystal, thanks again. I'm gonna hit stop on the

Krystal Ward: Thank you.

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah.