Love Is a Roll of the Dice: How to Improve Your Odds with Howard Minor

Reza Ghaemi: Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the Res Podcast, the show where we have honest conversations about dating relationships, personal growth, and the decisions that shape our lives. Today we're looking at love and relationships through a completely different lens. How much of finding the right person comes down to our choices, our habits, and the work we put into ourselves, and how much of it comes down to timing, circumstances, compatibil compatibility, and plain luck. my guest today is Howard Minor. Howard is an author, husband, father of three. Former nationally ranked darts player, marathon runner, golfer, chess player, guitarist, and someone who can apparently solve a Rubik's Cube under 20 seconds. He's also the author of The Dice of Life and the role they play. Howard uses what he calls the dice concept to explain how our lives are shaped by a combination of circumstances, natural abilities, personal choices, effort, and probability. His philosophy is that we cannot always control the hand we we are dealt, and we can never guarantee a particular outcome, which is huge in my opinion. What we can do is improve our skills, make better decisions, increase our chances of achieving the life we want. Howard, welcome to the Res Podcast. Thank you for being here.

Howard Minor: Gosh, like that that was just the best introduction I've ever heard. Like I don't even have to talk now. That just summarized everything. So well d well done. Yeah, great job.

Reza Ghaemi: That's amazing I'm known for giving the the good intros, Howard. Thank you so much.

Howard Minor: Yeah, you got it. Yeah, well great. Yeah. No, that's great.

Reza Ghaemi: you know, Howard, when I learned about your dice concept, I immediately thought about modern dating. You know, we can't control who we meet. When we meet them, what kind of childhood they had, what kind of experiences they shaped them, you know, or what whether the chemistry is gonna be there. But what we can control is who we become, how we communicate, what standards we set, what behavior we tr tolerate, and how carefully we choose a partner. So today I want to apply your philosophy to dating, love, marriage, and human compatibility. how does that how does that sound?

Howard Minor: Yeah. Great. yeah, that's where that's why we're here. This is great. Yeah, good setup.

Reza Ghaemi: Amazing. so th let's get right into this. The you know, is finding the right partner mainly about good decisions or is love ultimately a roll of the dice?

Howard Minor: It's it's a little both actually. it it really is. So let's back up a a few minutes and I'll I'll go over the analogy to begin with and that'll that'll help kind of like set it up and and so you just to visualize everything. So now now granted this is not based in like, you know, clinical research or anything fancy. I mean, there's a lot of there's a lot of psychologists that have, you know, fifty-seven personality you know, descriptions and and love languages and all that, and and those are all great, but I I found in my life that sometimes the most helpful things that we come across are just the simplest. Just a simple idea, simple word or phrase that just I don't know, it's just easy to remember and it just helps explain things if you just go back to it. So like you said, I'm I'm married, father of three, and like everyone else, we've we've been through life and all sorts of different experiences with with people and relationships and business and and it it's it's it's it's it's wild out there. You really know. So what what it kind of came to me when I was trying to like simplify like relationships in general is that my brothers and I, we grow up, you know, being really competitive and we were always gambling on something and everything. And it occurred to me that a lot of a lot of the elements in our life are are kind of random, like like a, like a roll of the dice. So I started applying that, that theory or that, like just that little mental picture to basically everything about us. So if you think about it, you start with things that are you're born into, like say like where you were born. You have no control over it's just a random number you get, you're stuck with it. You have no control over who your parents were, things like your genetics, things like your, your, your family's economic status. Those are just pretty much assigned to you at birth, and and those you're stuck with those. So those are numbers, and you basically assign basically all those different variables as as a roll of a dice, and you start collecting them and you put them in your bag. And now you get into other things in your childhood, like. Who were your childhood friends? I mean, that has a huge impact on on how you develop and and and what your morals were and your and and your values your parents instill on instill on you. And even if you had parents at all. And then we get into a lot of things that you have natural traits and natural abdi abilities, like are are you athletic or are you really good at music or art? You know, some some people just have a natural ability in those things. So those are all like little, little rolls of the dice that you get and you start collecting all of these things. And as you grow, you start to see that, you know, all these little dice interact. And there's a lot of dice you can't control, but there's a lot of dice you can control. So the idea is to kind of like identify those things and then try to, you know, bump up your numbers a little bit, develop good habits and skills that help give you better chances when when you're facing a challenge. If it's a work or or life in general or a relationship, you kind of you it's never going to be a guarantee that is that it's going to work out. But you can do a lot of things in your life to help bump up those odds and give you the best chance available. So that's the basic scenario.

Reza Ghaemi: So Howard, th thank you for that. That's amazing. It this resonates so much with me. I always say this stuff to people, but so here's the thing. how do you ultimately use the dice theory that you're you have in your favor? Like for example, how do you use that in your favor in general? Right? Like that's

Howard Minor: Perfect. Excellent. Okay.

Reza Ghaemi: kind of yeah.

Howard Minor: Well, there's a whole bunch of advice out there that people come across. They sometimes they take it, sometimes they don't. A lot of simple things you can do to help your changes in life, like, you know, eating healthy or exercising or learning a skill, like like how to type on a keyboard. Like those are really good, like little habits that kind of bump up your odds. you can practice things like like patience, things things that like. just allow you to adapt better. There like little odds and ends that that I mean there's tons of information out there, all these tips and tricks and all these things. But the trick is to like to really build the foundation of skills that that will lead to other skills too. Like learning how to read. That's that's an amazing skill that opens up the doors for all these other skills. And on the flip side of that, there's a lot of things you can do in your life that actually downgrade your odds. you know, if if if you have certain addictions or or drugs and alcohol, you can you can You can choose to kind of like, you know, stay away from things that aren't good for you. We have a natural ability in our lives to gravitate toward things that that really are not good for us. You know, it's the, you know, the sinful nature they they talk about it or or or or whatever your bane is. You know, we we we think we're good, but you know, it there's a lot of places we can get in trouble too. And that's why we try to keep our kids out of trouble, because there's a lot of downgrades that they can come across in their life that we keep them away from. And again, we're just trying to get the best odds we can. So you're just trying to bump up those numbers.

Reza Ghaemi: Okay, okay, okay. So my I guess I'm a little bit like when you said let's reduce the alcohol, let's you know, let's you know, all that's okay. So I'm gonna I'm be a little controversial here and just

Howard Minor: Okay, good.

Reza Ghaemi: yeah. So for me that means what about the luck then? So

Howard Minor: Uh-huh.

Reza Ghaemi: we always hear about, you know, this this lady who smoked cigarettes all her life. She lived

Howard Minor: Exactly.

Reza Ghaemi: n till ninety. Isn't that ironic? Alanis Morsa.

Howard Minor: Well, which it absolutely it sure is. Right. And that's that's the part about it's not a guarantee. But if you if you had a hundred people that smoked a whole bunch of pack of cigarettes, you know, every day, probably most of them are, you know, gonna have trouble, you know, as an example. So there's a difference difference between an outlier and the majority. So again, it's odds and probabilities. So if if you eat a healthy diet, I'll I'll give you example. My my my father in law, he was He was a unbelievable athlete. He he competed in the Iron Man triathlon. Just it's a hundred and

Reza Ghaemi: Heard of

Howard Minor: it's it's I can't even get my head wrapped around these things. It's like two 2.6 mile swim and then 110 mile bike and then you run a marathon. Like I get tired even thinking about it. It's crazy. it's just

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah.

Howard Minor: out of his mind. So he was a tremendous athlete, but at the age of like 47, he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. terminal terminal illness. He did everything right. I mean, this guy was a machine. He Ate right, he was super healthy, exercised seven hours a day. And he got a he got a bad dice roll in there. He got the bad luck that even though he did everything right, it still didn't matter in the end. And that's the catch on it because anything can happen. You can do all the right things. One of the great, greatest phrases I ever heard was in an episode of Star Trek, his old, old show, a lot of great philosophy in that show. and and Captain McCard once said, like, it is possible. To make no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. It's pretty, pretty profound when you think about it. Cause, you know, you you can do everything right, like, you know, playing a playing a game or something, but and we're all playing a game in this in this in this life. You know, you're gambling whether you like it or not. So you're just trying to have the best odds you can. And that's true in in relationships and in personal development and business, but it's it's never, never a guarantee. So that's that's kind of how you How you have to think about it

Reza Ghaemi: Howard, thank you for that. so

Howard Minor: Okay.

Reza Ghaemi: in general, you know, this the podcast is about dating and relationships. You know,

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: I mentioned that before I hit the recording. But if somebody's doing everything right, you know, they're taking these self-improvement courses, they're talking to dating coaches, they are working on themselves all the time. I hate that term. It's like, yeah,

Howard Minor: We all we all are. We all are.

Reza Ghaemi: we're we're doing that till the day we die, but it's just become such a cliche at this point. But You know, how much control do we have in our romantic

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: outcomes? You know what I mean?

Howard Minor: Well, i we have some, we have a lot, and some some of them we we don't. Again, it's a mix, it's a combination of a lot of things. but one of the best things we can do for ourselves is essentially kind of like learn our own dice. You know, take some time to think about what what are our skills, what are our our habits, what are our traits, what are our our preferences, who are who are we as a person because of all of those dice in our bag? So when you know yourself, you begin to recognize, you know, some of your weaknesses. You you may know that you're not a patient person, or you you may know that you're you're looking for some individual that does this or that. And and those, you know, we all have different, I don't know, different brain chemistries and different desires and and different things. And and one of the best things to do to start out with is to is to learn about yourself. And that's that only comes by trying different skills and trying you know, different different types of relationships and things and and and finding out what More more about yourself than the other person. That's that's really a great place to start.

Reza Ghaemi: Honestly, this is this is such a common theme that is throughout

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: my podcast. Every guest I have on is like telling people they should just it's a it's a self thing. Everything is is about you and that's how you see the world is like from internally the way you know what I mean? So

Howard Minor: Correct, yes. Well, that's because, you know, yeah, because everybody has a slightly different worldview. I mean, we all have we have a different dice in our bag, right? So we all have different experiences. We all have different aptitudes, different responses to trauma. Somebody can have, you know, a traumatic beer experience in their life that would affect them this way, and somebody else could have the same experience and it may not bother them as much. So there's a whole variety and range of of how we develop as humans to be able to in interpret the world in in different ways. And I think one of the w where this gets into trouble, where we get into trouble with this, is that too many times we try to compare ourselves to other people. In other words, what worked for me must work for you. And and this person is doing all these things. So therefore if I do the same things, am I going to have the same outcome? Absolutely not, because we just have so many variables. even circumstances outside of our control happen to us. So It doesn't make any sense for us to compare results that somebody else got because we have a different character. We're playing this game of life with a completely different character. And therefore, that changes our strategy. That changes what we try to take on because we have different, different abilities. So we're going to take on a challenge that's more suited towards our character as as our dice are kind of floating around up there. So a lot of people make the mistake of trying to play somebody else's game. that's the way to put it. But I mean, there's a lot of things we can learn about from other

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: people, like what worked for them, techniques or skills or habits. And those are those are all great. You can learn a lot, but you really need to understand yourself to know how they apply to your own situation and to your own self. And that's that's that's I don't know. It's good advice, I think. But

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm. So so okay, qua question. Did you ever watch the social the show Seinfeld?

Howard Minor: Yeah, I watched many episodes. Yeah, great. That's a classic. Yeah, it's it's very

Reza Ghaemi: My favorite show of all times. Okay. So yeah.

Howard Minor: clever.

Reza Ghaemi: Yes, it's like the recipe of life, in my opinion. Like every show is like. So

Howard Minor: Yeah, there's a lot. Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: for example, let's say George in Seinfeld, right? Larry David in real life. he's not traditionally the most good-looking guy, right? Jerry Seinfeld is, but George isn't.

Howard Minor: Right. Right. No.

Reza Ghaemi: So if We were to apply these concepts, like George. If we were to apply the dice concept to George versus Jerry versus Kramer, right? Those three.

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm. Big differences.

Reza Ghaemi: Let's talk about that a little bit.

Howard Minor: Yeah, let's take that.

Reza Ghaemi: So, for example, George, he's got this energy about him that women like. Jerry

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: Seinfeld has this energy about him. Kramer, he's like, Different level. Like he's so authentic

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: and just just so himself. Let's talk about that a little bit. What do you what do you think the difference

Howard Minor: Yeah. Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: is if we were to apply this theory of the dice, this dice stuff, what George has, he doesn't have the looks, but he has maybe a personality. Jerry has the looks. Let's talk about that. What's your take?

Howard Minor: Well, yeah, I mean that's exactly it. Those are those are amazing characters. Like they're they're just they just really you know, they accentuate what what their character traits are. I mean, they all had different personalities, but they pushed it. They, they, they, they embraced it of their differences. And, you know, that kind of gave them the confidence to say, Hey, you know, I'm like this, this is how I am. Let's let's see how far we can go with it. And they kind of pushed it. And, you know, George was character with George, he was always funny, he was always you know, moping around being frustrated with himself and like but but you loved it. I mean

Reza Ghaemi: He embraced it though.

Howard Minor: he loved yeah, it was it was great. And for there was just something about that that confidence that that just you know made it attractive, you could say, because it was it was just fun to see. And yeah, and that's that's where we get real. Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: You say you said confidence, right? But George would describe himself as insecure. No.

Howard Minor: No, he was insecure. He thought he was, but the character himself was just confident in that presence, right? So

Reza Ghaemi: I see what you mean, yeah. Okay.

Howard Minor: it it it it came out as being confident in that in in on confidence, you know what I mean? It's hard to explain. So even

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. Yes.

Howard Minor: though he was, you know, a buffoon or something like that, you still loved him because it was just embraced that way. So yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: Right, right, right. What about Kramer?

Howard Minor: Kramer. man, what a quality brilliant character, just off the ball,

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah.

Howard Minor: bouncing over, you know, staggering everywhere. It's great, yeah. Same kind of thing. He's a yeah, and he's a crazy doofus, but it it was brilliant. So you get attracted to that just because it's it's just an amazing, you know, again, it's it's a confidence of just, you know, whatever. And it's it's really interesting when you think about that because yeah, I don't know. I I've never thought about that way, but but you're right.

Reza Ghaemi: Jerry. Let's talk about Jerry.

Howard Minor: Jerry, okay, he was he was just a you know calm, cool, collected person. He he you know he would try to crack jokes and just you know state the obvious and and everyone loved him for that. Because that's just who he was. And and it just kind of

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: worked. but the dynamic of all three of those, and even Elaine too, she had her own quirks and everything, but that chemistry was just, you know, it was, it was really neat how they all work together. And that's how the show survived, actually. They just worked so well together that they just they it just worked out. So yeah, no, it definitely applies. And yeah, it's that's a good analogy. I never thought about it that way, but that's a good one. You're getting it.

Reza Ghaemi: I I love it because you know the characters their their characters like it was just so real and so applies to real life. so Howard, let's see. Yeah, we're just looking at the time. how can people improve their odds? We talked about a little bit about how people can improve their odds a little bit. so let's talk about a little bit about the social media stuff. Because

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: like I know, for example, for me, I don't fall into that trap of comparing myself. Like

Howard Minor: Mm.

Reza Ghaemi: I don't I really don't. Is am I being am I lying to you right now? Am I being lack of self awareness? I don't know. Yeah.

Howard Minor: No, and no, I think I and here's the here's the catch 22, because I think it is good to compare ourselves to others because

Reza Ghaemi: Okay.

Howard Minor: we can we can learn a lot. Like if we see something that a person has, you know, their confidence or or their habits or or their focus or drive or something, we absolutely definitely want to emulate that. But again, where we get into trouble is we often we pick and choose what about them we want to be like. Like on social media, you don't you don't get the whole picture. Like They look, they look great, they're they're jumping up and down, they're they're really great or whatever, but you have no idea what else is going on in their life, what traumas they're they're dealing with. are they even a nice person? You don't even know. So you you can't pick and choose, you know, your your you know, people you look up to because, you know, there's bits and pieces that you certainly can, but you have to be very careful, because there's always more to the story.

Reza Ghaemi: So question if you were hiring somebody, do you hire people? Or I don't know, I forgot what what you do. Okay.

Howard Minor: I I've I I've been in those positions. Most of my career has actually been in healthcare IT, pretty boring, but I'll get into that.

Reza Ghaemi: Healthcare IT. Okay. so here's the thing. I'm an IT consultant for my daytime job. I sell Azure and things like that.

Howard Minor: Okay, sure.

Reza Ghaemi: Okay, so here's the thing: Instagram, you say it's not genuine enough, right? Because people are putting on a show. Now, my question

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: is: if you were hiring somebody, are you gonna like, for example, look at their LinkedIn? Yes, they got the skills, right? The skill set is on LinkedIn. The professional shit is on LinkedIn. But

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: How does Instagram help you determine their personality? Because look, we live in an AI-driven world. Personality is everything

Howard Minor: Well. my gosh. Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: right now.

Howard Minor: That's funny. This wasn't even a an issue, you know, several years ago. And and and now kids, you know, like you know, I I'm old enough to know that like we we actually we protected our privacy. Like we we didn't want our whole lives, you know, online. And I grew up in time where I'm I'm really glad that YouTube wasn't around because I did a whole bunch of stupid stuff that I'm really glad is isn't out there. And and and oftentimes, you know, but now, you know, that's just out there. You're trying to get likes or just whatever it takes,

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

Howard Minor: you know, no matter. And and that's that that that creates your image like forever. Like it

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: follows you and and you you really have to be careful. And again, maybe, maybe that's a good thing to help your help your dice, you know, you know, maybe, maybe

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: think twice about stuff before you, you know, do something silly or stupid. Because, you know, we

Reza Ghaemi: Interesting.

Howard Minor: when you when you build up your your reputation, that's you know one of the most valuable things you have. We see this all the time with celebrities. It doesn't take very much for people to actu actively look for something to tear them down. So,

Reza Ghaemi: I see, I see.

Howard Minor: but if you if you set yourself up with with with being a respectable person, people don't remember what you did, but they'll remember how you made them feel. I mean that's

Reza Ghaemi: Okay, but here's my look, Howard, how do you be authentic then? If you're like if like look, we all not we all, but some of us drink,

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: some of us smoke cigarettes, some of us go to church on Sunday,

Howard Minor: Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: some of us go whatever. So what I'm what I'm trying to say, some of us party on the weekend. So why is it bad to show that side of us on Instagram?

Howard Minor: Because it depends on who's looking on the other side. I mean, if whoever's hiring you may may think that that's that's acceptable and somebody else may not. And and very few people like actually know what what what authentic means. I mean, that's that's a whole subjective term in itself. But if if you're if your hiring manager also parties on the weekends and and understands and relates to you, I mean, that can be a good thing. Then you're a very relatable person and that's someone you can get along with. But if your hiring manager is Is really up tape, micromanager, you know, whatever, then they're gonna have a completely different you know, criteria to to look at. So it it really depends on what the person is. And you know, the funny thing is it all circles back to dice because whoever's hiring you has their own dice in their head because they have their own expectations of of what they're looking for and their own experiences in business and relationships. And maybe they're maybe they'll be more forgiving, maybe they'll understand. what you're going through and maybe they'll be more subjective based on their own experiences. And you applying for a job, you have you have no way to know that, of course. But it it's interesting how how our how our how our dice kind of come into play there because that's what kind of steers our our relationships of of being able to relate to someone with the same values and the same kinds of experiences as almost like a hidden language. One of the One of the great experiments that I like to bring up is is is high school. You know, everyone's been through high school and and and and there are all these clicks. You know, you have the jocks and the nerds and and and all the burnouts and everything. And and what we notice is like people that are, they kind of congregate to other friends and people that have their same similar dice because it's easier to relate to people that have the same kind of worldview that we do. So they associate with people of their same, you know, kind of caliber, their same values and morals and experiences because that it breaks down a barrier of communication. It's easier to communicate with someone that has, you know, the same worldview as as you do. So it's interesting how that happens. And then of course that leads to all sorts of, you know, prejudice and things, but it's really just a matter of what's the dice they have in your bag.

Reza Ghaemi: Beautiful. Howard, I wanted to play a clip from one of my self-improvement coaches. His name is Julian Blanc, and it's about authenticity. Is that okay with you? Play the clip and get your take on it as we wrap up. Okay.

Howard Minor: yeah, please, no, yeah. Sure. Great.

Reza Ghaemi: So let me know if you can hear it. Let me know if you can't hear it. Authenticity meaning stay true to you, as we talked about. And that's a rule. Never betray you. But part of an interaction, part of connecting is authenticity expression and relatability connection. Where say right now, I'm like, hey everyone, for me to be authentic, I'm just gonna speak in gibberish. What would you all say? What the f is this? We're out. Hey, but I'm being authentic. I'm off my mind. Right? Yeah, it'd be like, well, we're out of here. So that would be say me being authentic, but I'm not worried about it connecting. So then it's asking yourself, what is my intention say in an interaction? What's my intention at work? It's to be authentic, but also connect. I want the win win versus win for me, lose for others. Now, sometimes you won't find the win win. And that's where, okay, next, I'm out of here. But authenticity is also very nuanced, meaning, say I called my mom right now, right? And just checked in, hey, how you doing? Am I gonna tell her all the details of my ex life? Yes or no? Does that mean I'm being fake? But I'm not telling her all the details. Am I being fake? Get it? So authenticity doesn't mean telling everyone everything. It means I'm never gonna compromise me, but depending on the context, depending on the person, here's what I'm gonna share. Or here's how much of me I'm going to share. Yeah, so what's your take on that? Yep.

Howard Minor: I love that. Yeah, no, I love that. That's that's great. That that really encapsulates, you know, kind of understanding the boundaries of things and yeah, and being authentic, like you said, like that can mean a lot of different things, but

Reza Ghaemi: 'Cause he started with saying don't ever compromise that the being real, but then also understand

Howard Minor: Right. Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: connection.

Howard Minor: Yeah. I I mean yeah. I mean obviously there's there's a certain amount of like maturity in in what you're when you communicate to someone. Like a good g a good example that I that I came up with is that we we talk about having good manners. Okay. I asked my aunt this, like, why do I have to have good table manners? This is boring. I'm like, if I was authentic, I would I just I would just, you know, throw stuff around the table and I would I would be rude and everything. But having good manners, there's a reason for this. Okay. So there's a reason we have good manners, is because it communicates discipline, focus, and it allows you to communicate better. So it improves your, your, your relationship with the other person because you're giving them attention, you're focusing yourself. If I was truly authentic, I'd, you know, I wouldn't be able to do that. So it does require some sort of discipline.

Reza Ghaemi: I have to I have to jump in with Donald Trump here.

Howard Minor: We could talk about that all day.

Reza Ghaemi: Why is Donald Trump so popular? Now, we all know he's a pretty authentic guy, but

Howard Minor: Mm-hmm.

Reza Ghaemi: it's that dice. 50% of people will like him, 50% won't. Howard, let me tell you a story. I went to Florida a couple of years ago and I was wearing a Trump shirt, and I would get 5050. Like, man, I would

Howard Minor: Uh-huh.

Reza Ghaemi: have people like 50% of people would high five me and 50% of people would look away from me. And I

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: I don't want to get into politics, but I just want to use him as an example because this is a

Howard Minor: Yeah.

Reza Ghaemi: great example of I think he's a pretty authentic guy in the sense that he says what's sort of is coming out of his mouth.

Howard Minor: Well, it it it's good and bad. I mean it it it really

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: works both ways depending on who you're talking to and all that's all that's really deliberate and and I I hate politics. That's just it's just a mess. But

Reza Ghaemi: Mm. You're saying it's just deliberate on his end?

Howard Minor: Well, it I mean, he's a smart guy. I mean he's really brilliant, but it seems that he has to talk down to people. I mean, I I think

Reza Ghaemi: Mm.

Howard Minor: I read like the like the average education of the country is is operating like at like a seventh grade level. So I often wonder if like he uses so simple words because it's it's better to communicate with more people than it very well could be. Yeah. I mean, we don't know. I mean it's it's all very done. Like the words they use and so forth. I mean,

Reza Ghaemi: So you're saying it's calculated on his end. See. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Howard Minor: talking he sounds like a buffoon. But you know, I can't, I can't, I mean, he's not a dumb person. That's right,

Reza Ghaemi: There's something about it is genius.

Howard Minor: right. So so you can present yourself differently in different ways to depending on who your audience is. So you can still be effect authentic as we're talking about, but you can still control it based upon who you're talking to, who's the audience, who how do you respond to them and kind of, you know, better correlate that relationship depending on the circumstances. So I mean, that's a whole different dynamic, but it it works.

Reza Ghaemi: And and on the flip different exactly. And and i I don't think he could get away with what he gets away with if he wasn't a billionaire, right?

Howard Minor: Well, that they they live in a different world. We make the mistake of thinking this is, you know, all fair, but you know, it's it it's it's George Carlin said it's a big club and we're not in it and it's you know we don't even know half

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: the stuff that happens. And I think I think people are getting a little

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: tired of the double standard that we're seeing. There's a lot of there's a lot going on that I think people are getting tired of. But anyway, that's that's it's it's

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah, yeah. This is not about politics, but

Howard Minor: Right, I know, but it it does relate because again, like they're dealing with different dice. Those those politicians and billionaires, they

Reza Ghaemi: just yeah, I had to yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: have a completely different worldview, of course, than we do, obviously. But but they they they they can control circumstances in ways that we just simply cannot. life

Reza Ghaemi: Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: is is not fair. That's the reality, that's just the way it is. So all we can do is kind of identify those those local things that we can do that to to, you know, boost up our chances with with relationships, you know. practicing good hygiene or working on your posture, things like that that just help you bump up those odds a little bit when in your relationships to to give you that little bit of edge and and give you a better chance. And it's not a guarantee, but it helps.

Reza Ghaemi: And and to be fair Yeah, and to be fair, Howard, you probably know this about Donald Trump, but he increased his odds by not drinking alcohol, not smoking cigarettes, not doing drugs, whereas his brother did those things and his brother was gone. So just as just as soon as we were talking about Trump, I had to say that, but

Howard Minor: Right, right, right.

Reza Ghaemi: so Howard w as we're wrapping up, where can people find your book? Is it on Amazon? tell us where they can find you and your book and all that stuff.

Howard Minor: It yeah. no, that's great. Yeah, no, I got up. yeah, I do I do have a book. It is on Amazon. It's called The Dice of Life and the Role They Play. I'm not really much of a reader or anything, but it was just a personal challenge for me to kind of put this together and write this down in a way to try to communicate it. It it you know it helped me quite a bit just to think of things in that way. I do have a website. it's simply my name, Howardminer.com. I'm not too active on social media, so I'm working on it, but so be careful if you follow me because I have nowhere idea where I'm going, but and my website's a little work in progress. I don't even think I have Instagram. No. We'll figure that out whatever. But

Reza Ghaemi: What I followed you on Instagram. What's your Instagram? I follow you. You don't know I I'll I'll mention that maybe if we have the show notes, but yeah, okay.

Howard Minor: but yeah, no, I I yeah, I'm just kind of figuring this out just like we all are. I mean we're all a work in progress and trying to experiment with do things and and just I'm doing the same thing. I'm just throwing some dice out there to see what I'm good at, see what I like and and see what works. So there there is a free copy of the of the book on my website. You can download it for free. I'm not selling it or anything. You c you can buy it if you want to, but and some other things on there, just random random thoughts and and and gibberish and things. But yeah, you never know. It's it's it's just fun to collaborate and try new things. There you go.

Reza Ghaemi: And Howard, if you're willing to be on another show, we'll talk about gambling and rolling the dice there, but do we

Howard Minor: there's so many applications to this. Yeah. I love yeah. It's just it just it it breaks

Reza Ghaemi: How many things?

Howard Minor: out into so many different and like in business relationships trying to close a deal. Like you can increase your odds, but there's timing issues and and

Reza Ghaemi: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Howard Minor: you know, mental health issues. That's another thing. There's people carrying around I call them dark dice, just because they're so elusive and people don't even know that they have them sometimes and they can impact your life in ways you don't even know. So there's a lot of little dimensions to it, but it's just a fun analogy, just a simple one little Little thought that seems to work out. So there you go.

Reza Ghaemi: Howard, thank you so much for being here today. And I hope you have a great rest of your Monday. I'm gonna hit stop on the recording. Just hang on one second before you go.

Howard Minor: Yeah.